Wednesday, April 16, 2008

alot of things.

Song of the day: Super Junior-Miracle
Movie of the day: No movie for today n.n
Food of the day: No food either!
Color of the day: sunshine orange

I have been getting worse. and i feel its my mind coming back on me.
Ah, yes i know..i have done stupid shit in my past.
And i kind of want to fix it.
Ya know?
Yeah i am an asshole. now just let me say im fucking sorry, stop saying the fake bullshit about me and lets get on with life cause i can hear every word.

other then that.
am kind of happy.
Teddy moved away.
Miranda broke her arm.
..Bout it lol (im such an ass)

am going to the hospital more and more, i weigh 93 pounds now and i throw up when i eat.
The nightmares wont stop, thier all about my past friends.

Chrystal: She just used me till our last day of being friends..never saw her again.

Steven: He just left

Rosa: hates me and i know it cause she put a hit out on me and came over with her father to threaten me for something i didnt even do.

Danita: We were close friends till she met Teddy..sence she heard the fake lies teddy said she must be saying shit about me constantly now.

Teddy: sence i didnt go out with her she fucking wants to piledrive my head in.

Miranda: i finally broke up with her and shese pissed about it and wants to somehow make me jealous or something.

Stacey: she said i had sex with jake to everyone..and i never did only dated the dude for not even a week!!

kiki: she made up shit about me, prank called me, hacked me and still does till this godamned day! JUST BECAUSE I TOLD HER NOT TO GO WITH THIS 20 YEAR OLD ONLINE DUDE SHE MET!.

Yeah, all these people keep popping up in my dreams constantly.
making my life like hell.
Would you all stop it!
get the fuck over it! stop bringing me up!
and what the hell.

sick and tighred of it!!

ah well.
i need to lay chest is killing me.

Bye again.

Monday, April 14, 2008

Song of the day: I've just seen a face By. The beetles
Movie of the day: Great Yokai war
Food of the day: Banana
Color of the day: light Green

Well lets start this with, I hope today will be great!
lately whenever i visit franks place i get bombarded with buzzers from Teddy or Axl. saying they want thier Gamecube back??
I dont even remember even getting a gamecube from them but whatever.
she was the one who has been saying shit about me, and she even threatend me in public! PLUS SHE DIDNT ASK NICELY!
If i even HAD the gamecube, I wouldent give it back just cause how much of a Bitch she was.
Other then the negativity.
I've been sicker then anything recently, I felt as if im just a Potatoe sitting on the coutch wallowing in self pity.
Cause the new medication they put me on makes me that way for a few days.
Vomiting,Coughing to death,Weezing,Cant eat anything.
I lost 4 pounds in a week, But finally re-gained my strength saturday!
(Thank gods! tho i look like a walking skeliton) and Mom decided for me to get some fresh air, so we whent to WK Castle.
I brought my camera along and took some photos.
of wich are not uploading for me for some reaassoonn..
but ahh well, i'll try later then.
Other then that, I got to go over dads house, they had a Bombfire.
And i hung out in the recording studio for a few till John came.
I would stay in, but they play way too loud. Plus John really cant sing worth crap (not being mean, the guys major cool)
i stayed that night, cause my medication made me passout on my stepsisters bed onaxident when i was reading her a book lol.
i woke up around 4:00 in the morning.
Walked around the house..Puked...And just turned on the cabel..damnit..Lol so i had to watch the little Vampire on DVD.
not bad, am fine with it.
cute movie.
got kinda bored and just waited till everyone woke up.
After that me and My step sister amanda goofed around with my laptop (it NEVER gets wireless connection way up where dad lives)
and found that my computer has pictures on it that came with it lol.
then i helped dad around the yard with the brush and trees that got in the way.
Killed my chest from that.
so when we got back home, i just sat thier.
and all of a sudden.
We ignored it.
and i just whent to bed.

Okay i need to get off.
I have to take a shower, and i have a doctors appointment for bloodwork,catscan,Xray and a ultrasound to see whats wrong with my chest (Like the other post, the doctors posponed it to today)
Bye now!

Thursday, April 10, 2008

You can't control the unknown.

Song of the day: Super Junior - Wonder Boy
Movie of the day: No movie again n.n
Food of the day: Penutbutter and fluff sandwitch yum.
Color of the day: sky blue

Walking out into the dew scented air smiling with my head held high.
"This is going to be a GREAT DAY!"
As so i thought.
Well, heres my day.
I know we cant controll the unknown, nor can go back in time to say we are sorry when we know we cant be forgiven.
But..atleast we say were sorry from the bottom of our hearts instead of saying nothing at all.
I have kept, every single, solitary secret..And never told anyone, and i will keep every one Untill the day i die..because those secrets will leave with my memories in the wind.
The pain in my chest wont stop..i feel majorly numb constantly...and..i hate seeing mom cry..I can never sleep, and when she walked into the bathroom i herd something.
So i just tip-toed up to the door to listen..she was crying..
I feel like an asshole for i dont know.
Were always smiling..
i never ever said anything horrible or ever yelled at her..i dont know whats wrong.
But we whent to the hospital today.
the doctors put me on more medication...and I found out..
Im loosing weight like no tomorrow..
Im supposed to weigh..110.
But i weigh 102 now..and used to weigh 106.
thats not good.
Still, the harrassment wont happens, and i feel as if i deserve it.
If it is heart problems..then i might not live long..
Its okay...Atleast..if anyone asks what has happend..or anything.
Just say..
"I died"
And i hate it when people drag along in depression..i dont want that..just be happy..
thats all i want..i just want to see everyone happy.

Im going to the hospital tomorrow for Blood work, Cat scan, and some other testings i forgot what they were called, but one of them is jamming a tube down my throaght. only 14...Why must i go through this?
well..My medicine is kicking feeling myself slowly falling asleep as i write this.
Well..Got to go now.
Bye n.n

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

*duying of laughter*

Well..My chest isint getting any better, but i actually had a good day for ounce!

I've been laughing constantly for no reason lol.

well. I got to see ben today, and these kids thought we were gay cause we were hugging eachother and acting like flamboyant people on purpouse XD

We did the usuall..Walk around...sit somewhere random and talk about whatever the hell is in our brains.

Get online and we kinda had a messed up discussion..and such..
not gona talk about it.

but yeah n.n
Atleast i got to say im sorry to misa.
tho i know she hates my guts and she'd never forgive me.
Oh well..Just gona give her space. Am moving anyway lol so am gona be out of her life for good and that'll make her happy.

OH YEAH! My friend sent me the most hillarious final fantasy video!
Watch it or i kill you with


Sunday, April 6, 2008

Everyone, lets have a BULLSHIT DAY!~

Song of the day: Insanity by Oingo Boingo
Food of the day: Chilli pepper
Color of the day: BLACK

I have not slept in two days now cause the pain in my chest is unbearable.
Found out that mom and frank are looking at houses in Florida instead of nevada.
i decided just to stay online to relax..cause i really hate it, Thier going to move, and when that happens, i'd be dragged along and be that "Wierd new kid" All over again.
Sucks enough.
am just sitting thier again, untill i get a verry rude IM from this random person who thought i was someone else, think the guys name was jim or something..kind of cant remember much cause im running on empty here and the pains verry distracting. E-mail gets hacked, and i re-created a new one but everyone on that list all got sent to the new screename, un noticing any problem i just whent along talking to my friends about the day and such.
the kids are annoying..i have to babysit them today cause frank needs to go buy more cigaretts, Im to afraid to even go outside..
Think im coming down with an eating disorder..I havent eaten for 3 days now..and whenever i try to eat at all i just vomit it up and its horrible.
Try to sleep but thiers nightmares.
too weak to do anything..
just sitting here typing.
want to sleep..
also..I keep getting rude Im's from people.
Even an "Old friend" Not going to tell you whom the person is, nor what they have said, because thats rude.
so far 3 rude Im's from people and two were Accidental.
one was just a coincidence cause they should have just blocked me or ignored cause i wouldent even message them anyway for they really stabbed me in the back and shatterd my feelings in one single blow the first time.
I really got to go.
Akaash hit Shaan in the eye with a toy car..

Saturday, April 5, 2008


Song of the day:Shake It by Rediscover
Food of the day: Leechee
Color of the day: Violet

Okay! Today Frank took me and my mom up to a food place called RedBones up on a part of boston, My cousin wanted to do my hair so i let her, she put the back half up but down, styled it guy-ish and fixed the front of my hair.
Yeah Blonde and black hair, I wore my Purple and black striped shirt with the Black skull trenchcoat.

I brought my camera so i could record it all BUT SADLY it died right when i got thier, so i decided to be annoying! XD
We whent and made our reservations..thier was a 1 hour wait so we decided to walk around.
thier was this kid walking back and forth eating an icecream on this pillar thing, i ran up to him.
He looked at me and i said "HEY! You know where the pride convenction is? cause you look like someone who would know?" he looks at me and walks off laughing.
I danced around people. And skipped through this park, these emo kids were looking at me, with wierd stares.

And when i finally calmed down. we were waiting to cross the street, and all of a sudden, this girl in a naruto shirt, 2 aisan girls with a guy holding a sasuke plushie goes.
First of all..I dont look like him.
Nor are we the even same age or anything.
Mom and frank are WAY ahead looking at this store, so i just Book it lol.
tripped over this tree stump thing and mom laughes at me.

Then..Me and mom decide to be dorks and make fun of every person we see XD
Mom points at this aisan guy and goes.
"Oh my god its Jackey chan!" I reply "They all look like him dude"
Frank just looked at us like (Oh god what have i gotten myself into)
With the sweater vest.
so white, he makes salt look black XD.

Okay i really need to stop with the racial jokes! Ahahaha!

Looked like Jae joong mixed with Heechul *drools* he had glasses..a tux..cute blue tie..and these thick rimmed glasseesss...*Fanboy squee*
And this cute girl!
I was sitting on this park bench looking at this stupid pigon walking around in circles as mom and frank read this statue..She stands next to where i was sitting, walks over, smiles at me..She looked like abby...but with short hair..and the same cute smile..she looked so adorable..maybe just out of colledge..she smiles, takes out a camera, does that "Chibi" stand holding the camera with both hands adorably,leans down and takes a picture of the pigon.
she just kept looking at me, i waved to her, she waved back and we both walked our seperate ways.

it was about time to start heading back to the food place, and well we were walking back, these ambulances and fire trucks and police cars zoom by. Someone got hit by a car.
And ater they left, when we were walking back through the park..ALOT of people kept looking at me. i felt so uncomfortable.

when we made it back to the food place, i just sat on the sidewalk cause we had 10 more minuets to wait, this LADY! With blonde hair kept looking at me..then she'd look away for a sec..then go back to STAIRING at me.

Oh yeah! this place was SO COOL!
It was louder then a Bar, but everything was WOW!
Paintings everywhere! on the celing! everything!
it was all black and flouresent! So AWEOSME!
And guess who was the table next to me?
THAT HOT AISAN GUY!..and the adorable girl lol with a CRAPLOAD Of other people. They sang happy Birthday in..I think Korean?
I stuffed up on so much FOOD it was not even funny! thought i was gonna explode!
But after we left we whent to Stop and shop.
I danced down the isles like a moron making faces in the cameras. Found the condoms section, opend a box and made a Baloon animal out of this mint one Ahahahaha!
Thier was about noone thier! sence it was closing time lol!
I thought i would have gotten caught! I left the baloon animal on the shelf! XD

Ahh that was fun.
Moms actually happy with me lately. Finally lightend up and am finally happy for ounce!
She just is annoyed cause i decided to go all Ipod Human on her in the car..I SANG THE WHOLLEEE 30 MINUET RIDDEE!

Mom: ...Shut..up...please...ATLEAST SING A SONG IN ENGLISH!
Me: yongwone namgyojin narul chadnunga....Aww..Allright.."Sweat baby, sweat baby Sex is a Texas drought Me and you do the kind of stuff That only Prince would sing about So put your hands down my pants And I bet you'll feel n-"
Frank: *Duying of laughter*

Today was a Great day, and am happy to get my ass outside for ounce!
Well. BYE BYE! n.n

Friday, April 4, 2008

Laugh at life

Ah..I was standing thier, in Target this lady was HILARIOUS!
I put up some clay and some markers on the cashregister.
and mom put up a drink, some paper and a case of pencils.
The lady goes.
"So, you two starting a special club where, one does clay, and the other draws, well later you switch off cause sharing is fun?"
Me and mom just stared laughing.
She looked about in her 20's or early 30's.
Really..she was funny. and verry nice.
she said.
"Im sick and tighred of people taking life way too seriously some times, you just need to really not really makes life better, thats why im here, making jokes. i love to see people smile"
It really..REALLY...made me think.
Maybe shese right.
Dont take life too seriously sometimes.
go have fun.
Tho yeah, your only a kid ounce.
Dosent mean it could only be that Ounce.
Your still you. even if your 60
Plus, i just noticed alot on how i've been acting. i've been recording everything with my camera
watching it over at the end of the day.
Man, i gotta change.
I kind of wine over small things. and its kinda retarded lol.
Bye bye!