You can't control the unknown.

Song of the day: Super Junior - Wonder Boy
Movie of the day: No movie again n.n
Food of the day: Penutbutter and fluff sandwitch yum.
Color of the day: sky blue

Walking out into the dew scented air smiling with my head held high.
"This is going to be a GREAT DAY!"
As so i thought.
Well, heres my day.
I know we cant controll the unknown, nor can go back in time to say we are sorry when we know we cant be forgiven.
But..atleast we say were sorry from the bottom of our hearts instead of saying nothing at all.
I have kept, every single, solitary secret..And never told anyone, and i will keep every one Untill the day i die..because those secrets will leave with my memories in the wind.
The pain in my chest wont stop..i feel majorly numb constantly...and..i hate seeing mom cry..I can never sleep, and when she walked into the bathroom i herd something.
So i just tip-toed up to the door to listen..she was crying..
I feel like an asshole for i dont know.
Were always smiling..
i never ever said anything horrible or ever yelled at her..i dont know whats wrong.
But we whent to the hospital today.
the doctors put me on more medication...and I found out..
Im loosing weight like no tomorrow..
Im supposed to weigh..110.
But i weigh 102 now..and used to weigh 106.
thats not good.
Still, the harrassment wont stop..But..it happens, and i feel as if i deserve it.
If it is heart problems..then i might not live long..
Its okay...Atleast..if anyone asks what has happend..or anything.
Just say..
"I died"
And i hate it when people drag along in depression..i dont want that..just be happy..
thats all i want..i just want to see everyone happy.

Im going to the hospital tomorrow for Blood work, Cat scan, and some other testings i forgot what they were called, but one of them is jamming a tube down my throaght.
jeeze...im only 14...Why must i go through this?
well..My medicine is kicking in..am feeling myself slowly falling asleep as i write this.
Well..Got to go now.
Bye n.n