Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Thinking again.

Song of the day: Little sparrow by dolly parton (About the only country song i like)
Movie of the day: No movie for today, best to relax
Color of the day: Soft yellow

I am still greatly sick..my chest always hurts, and it seems nothing is ever going to help me breathe correctly again, i rarely sleep, because the pain wakes me up at night, sometimes..it gets so horrible..i just keep vomiting non-stop..I sit thier every day, putting a fake smile on my face, and acting as if im not hurting.I see people walk by, that dont feel this pain..how they say how horrible thier life is, let them fel this pain.I sat and watched the sunrise with the window open, feeling the finally soft spring breeze drift its way and lightly trails its way acrost my face.the colors of the reds and yellows, illuminate the last stars dissapearing, making the distance look like a black ocean going out forever.the city seems quiet for ounce, like the times when the snow fell..standing outside, you could hear nothing, but the soft wispers of the dreams they held as they fell to lay down on the earth as a gentle white blanket.
People say all the time, how horrible this world is.They always talk about the horrible sides, and they take this place for granted.Some..hate this world so much, they decide to quilt thier life with lies, but sooner or later, it will crash aupon them.Or they attempt to turn to Religon, as in thought that thats all they need..to try to get by.
People get judged for who they are, one little word or thing, can stay with you forever.You say one thing, every secont becomes a glint of the past, and also in that secont, your life may have ended its story in a split secont.
Try to live..a year in silence, to see..the voice that this place is trying to show you.I dare you..to tell me that this world is not full of beautiful things.
This world is unexplainable, but even the smallest thing is breath taking.you just need to look at it in your own view, not in the view others make you.
I was grown up this way, To take life..To take it, and try my best, to live everyday, like it would be my last, and that if i have a dream, i wont allow to have anyone stand in my way, to look at everything in a perspective of my own, to follow my own path instead of others.
I know..I have done stupid things..I am still a kid, and being that..It's hard.
I go through friends..And i know i have.
Sometimes i get into arguements or fights, a while later, i actually sit down and think about it, and how dumb and stupid that whole thing was.YES you cannot take back words, and yeah..At times, a fist to the face is not as bad as words themselves.
I was always picked on as a kid, I was just the wierd one out of the bunch.Not knowing my father just made it worse for me, and also being afraid of everything, i used to live in silence, cause i just became afraid of people around me, i hated teachers, and i alwayd drew things duying in notebooks.I got made fun of for the way i sat,dressed,ate,held things,and also the reason why i stared at everyone.
After a while...When you really look at the insults, thier nothing.Yes, they do hurt..but after a while..your brain just makes you ignore the harassment.
Yeah, i know i cant keep the same subject for long.
But..i know the feeling.when you close our eyes, and you can hear..the importance of a whisper.how important family and friends are.to cherish each day and moment, cause really. Life is short, why waste it on things like arguements?I know the feeling..of having someone dear to you die, infront of you.
I have my regrets, but i shouldent allow them to hurt me my whole entire life.
I have..SID,Dyslexia,Insomnia,and Rhumitoid Authritis.Ask me what pain is, and i'll tell you.
I know, my life is not horrible as i discrbe, I have a loving family and friends, i eat everyday, and i have a roof over my head.But at times, i really Envy the people. Who look,act, and have a life, where they dont feel the pain i feel everyday, they have everything.But i dont want that, im happy with the life i have, and i really am happy that i am not spoiled like the other rotten people in this world.
Yeah,,Being forgotten can be worse then death itself, but, at times being forgotten can be best for you in certan circumstances.
I was watching telivison yesterday, and i remember them talking about how they can have you living till your 150..I dont want that, My body feels as if its 40 allready.Creaks,Aches,Stiffens..I allready need to have surgery on it because of my joints...
Me and my father..are almost identical, We have the same eyes,hair,girly body,hands,feet even our attitudes are similar.thogh i dont really know him at all, it scares my mother sometimes with the things i do.
Im actually thinking of taking a bath..Im really hurting alot.So long for now.
~Kohii (A.k.a) Chocobii

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